tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90506055836167913482024-03-13T05:31:18.051-07:00The Accidental AlcoholicA blog to support my upcoming book "Perfectly Imperfect : How I Recovered from Alcoholism through Self-Love"Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-17112262945685262542014-10-16T17:02:00.000-07:002014-10-16T17:02:16.455-07:00My Overactive Chatter Brain<div dir="ltr">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--ypORHO8JtQ/VEAlK53UluI/AAAAAAAAEK0/2NBfQnK1OMA/s1600/our-minds.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--ypORHO8JtQ/VEAlK53UluI/AAAAAAAAEK0/2NBfQnK1OMA/s1600/our-minds.PNG" height="400" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is a noise in my room. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it is also a noise in my head.</span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes, my thoughts feel like static.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...perhaps that's the real reason I started this blog...I just needed to find a way to spew out everything that's running through my mind and plaguing me...</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Drinking also used to silence my mind. In the right amounts, alcohol allowed me to experience a relaxed mind and body.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Apparently not everyone has an overactive chatter brain, although it seems like my fellow recovering alcoholics are the people most likely to commiserate with me on this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have noticed a few things about my physical and mental state when my brain is noisy and restless:</span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm having trouble staying "present" with my thoughts - I'm either living in the past or the future instead of the now.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is too much stimuli in my life at that time - whether it be computers, Netflix, smartphone apps, or caffeine, they all have the same effect on my brain. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am stressed and I'm not using coping skills to deal with it. As a default, I turn to any source of stimuli (#2) I can find that will distract me from the REAL problems I'm facing. </span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The more high-strung and worried become, the more likely I am to give in to stimuli to cover-up and ignore my overactive brain. This, in turn, causes more problems. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so the cycle of addiction continues. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In <a href="http://beckydoyle.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-missing-piece-of-my-heart.html" target="_blank">The Missing Piece of My Heart</a>, I mentioned the downward spiral of addiction. The vicious cycle of drinking to forget the things you did the last time you were drunk. This mental obsession - over anything - CAN be broken. It's not easy, and the individual must be committed to a developing a new lifestyle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When caught up in my "overactive chatter brain", these are the tools that work best to stop the chaos:</span></div>
<div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Take a walk in nature. </b>Walk slowly, feel how the earth moves under your feet, listen to the gentle noise of leaves rustling... There is no better way to re-connect with your soul than to connect with Mother Earth.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Exercise.</b> Any form of physical exercise - whether strenuous or gentle - requires your focus and attention. Pay attention to your form and you'll get out of that crazy head of yours in NO time! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Paint.</b> I love artistic expression. It is the ultimate form of respecting my higher self and creative thoughts. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Yoga.</b> Part of the challenge of quieting the mind has to do with removing yourself from a distracting environment. Yoga studios are serene thus removing all unnecessary stimuli. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Put your phone in a different room. </b>No money for a Yoga class? How about you put your phone on silent somewhere COMPLETELY out of reach from you? Only for a short while. See what you can accomplish in 20 minutes, and notice if you feel any different. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Eat a healthy meal with low-sodium.</b> We consume FAR too much salt in our diets. Try cutting back. If your body feels better, your brain will too. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Drink water.</b> Most people don't consume enough water on a daily basis. We require a lot (especially if you drink coffee) since our bodies are mostly made up of water! If I have a headache, chances are that I'm not well-hydrated. </span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What tools do you use?</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-55809159109582591632014-10-02T23:57:00.001-07:002014-10-02T23:57:11.948-07:00A fish, a bird, and a monkeybar.<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Walking down the street I sensed that my life was about to change...drastically. To an onlooker, I was just a young woman who seemed to be having a bad day. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my pale face was pink from fighting back tears. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sobriety had been forced upon me about 4 months prior, and my problems still had yet to go away. I <i>had </i>had a choice, of course, an addict has to <u>want</u> to get sober - they cannot truly be forced into anything... I didn't want to quit drinking, but I was desperate. And when desperation meets alcoholism, willingness and recovery peek their bright little eyes around a corner and ask to join the conversation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a few months of stumbling around, going to rehab, attending self-help meetings, and seeing four different therapists - I still felt lost and confused. I was learning about alcoholism, but was no closer to figuring out how to solve my problems.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I need an explanation for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. I need a plan, a roadmap, and specific instructions. In early recovery, I wanted to know how ALL my problems would end, when, and with what results. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Trust the Universe and it will work itself out," my new friends said.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...as if I was supposed to step forward into nothingness and believe that the road would magically appear under my feet! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah, right.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The reality was that my problems were a direct result of my drinking. They were conflicts that would take several people months to resolve. So even if I TRULY needed an answer, no one could give it to me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All I knew was that my life was going to change drastically, and it could happen at any moment. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn't until recently, when I stumbled across this quote from a Zen master that the advice from my new friends finally started to make sense. </span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">"<span style="background-color: white;"><i>A fish swims in the ocean, and no matter how far it swims, there is no end to the water. A bird flies in the sky, and no matter how far it flies, there is no end to the sky.</i>"</span></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="http://www.chzc.org/mel14.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">Dogen Zenji’s teaching, the </span><i style="background-color: white;">Genjo Koan</i></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A fish never runs out of water. A bird never runs out of air. There is always somewhere for the fish or the bird to go.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why would my life as a human be any different?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fish doesn't need to cross the entire ocean to know that it can keep swimming. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bird doesn't need to see over the horizon to know there is more air. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't need to see the ENTIRE road laid out before me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I may have to change course or walk on unpaved ground, but even if I hit a pothole, I will always be able to continue moving forward. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't have to know where I'm going because <u>the destination doesn't matter</u>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just have to move! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Waiting for a specific explanation is like climbing onto the monkeybars but not moving a finger. Y</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ou <b>have </b>to let go of one hand and reach for another rung.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fear of the unknown tells us, </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"L</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ack, trial, and suffering are inevitabilities of life. If you let go, you will fall, get hurt, and be unhappy. Don't let go."</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">NOT letting go of the rung is when your life is controlled by fear. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Letting go is what happens when your life is inspired by hope. When you trust your own strength, you discover how far you can really go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vROdXDB-RRA/VC5IskFDE6I/AAAAAAAADuY/mwv74h2HB0w/s1600/darkest-hour.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vROdXDB-RRA/VC5IskFDE6I/AAAAAAAADuY/mwv74h2HB0w/s1600/darkest-hour.png" height="640" width="484" /></a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-70470023436414407102014-09-19T00:26:00.002-07:002014-09-19T00:28:25.996-07:00Listen for the Similarities, not the Differences<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Obviously, a guy who rode a tricycle to a detox is an addict.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Clearly, the chick whose daughter caught her passed out in a car from an overdose has a problem. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the veteran who downs a fifth every single day needs some help.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...but me? I'm just a lonely 20-something who drinks when she's bored, alone, angry, sad, scared, happy, or for absolutely no reason at all. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've never killed anyone in a drunk driving accident.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've never experienced homelessness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've never even been arrested. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could I possibly be an alcoholic? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my first week of rehab, I struggled with this issue. Heavily. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One night a fellow came to the treatment center to run one of our sessions. He was about my age, somewhere in his 20s, although maybe still a few years older than me. At the beginning, he told us about his experiences and I was dumb-struck. This clean-cut, very UC Berkeley looking, guy had been a high-rolling drug dealer before I had even finished college, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then he said something that really resonated with me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I realized that if I wasn't an alcoholic, quitting drinking wouldn't matter to me. If someone told me today I couldn't eat pretzels the rest of my life, I'd be disappointed but I'd be like, 'Ok-whatever.' and move on... But alcohol... No it's too important to me. And that right there, is the moment I realized I was an alcoholic."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just the thought of never drinking again made my heart race, and I identified with that part of his story. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After that session I was done for the evening and was free to do what I wanted (within house rules of course). So I retreated to my dorm room with my notebook and journal to do the only logical thing I do when weighing a decision: to make a list. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I created a simple table with two columns in my composition notebook. I labelled the left side "Reasons I'm NOT an alcoholic" and the right side "Reasons I AM an alcoholic" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I spent the next 15-20 minutes just writing things down on either side of the list. For the right side, I consulted my notes and handouts from the previous seven days of group therapy and one-on-one sessions. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Very quickly I realized that my lists were completely imbalanced. The reasons I thought I was not an alcoholic were weak...</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"So-and-so doesn't think I'm an alcoholic."<br />"There's that one time I only had one drink all night."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...and worthless when compared to the reasons I was an alcoholic.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"It takes more than three drinks to get me buzzed and I have no idea how many get me drunk."<br />"I kept drinking even though I didn't want to."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and most importantly...</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Once I start drinking I cannot reliably predict what will happen or what I will do."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Until that night, I had been listening to peoples' stories all wrong. I heard the <b>WHO</b>, <b>WHAT</b>, <b>WHEN</b>, and <b>WHERE </b>of their drinking and using stories - but I was not listening to <b>WHY </b>or the <b>HOW</b>... you know, the <u>really</u> good parts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I heard the differences in our stories - not the similarities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know that guy's name, where he's from or even if he's still clean and sober - but he made a difference in my life that night. And for that, I'm eternally grateful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-61265704839486324602014-08-28T21:48:00.000-07:002014-08-28T22:54:12.651-07:00What I was like<div class="MsoNormal">
<h4>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>“How does someone like you become an alcoholic?”</i></span></h4>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mkwTJJJ45Io/VAAJ9l-2NnI/AAAAAAAADtg/piDmOu5VaI0/s1600/self-portrait-post.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mkwTJJJ45Io/VAAJ9l-2NnI/AAAAAAAADtg/piDmOu5VaI0/s1600/self-portrait-post.png" height="400" width="308" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Growing up I was warned about the dangers of alcohol, but I
also believed the lies of addiction. Alcoholics
were supposedly weak, unintelligent, and lazy people. Those words didn’t
describe me, so I thought it could never happen to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How Alcoholism Begins</span></i></h4>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The first time I drank, I did it to stop people from calling
me a “goody-two-shoes”. The drink was a
Southern Comfort and Cola mix. I wasn’t impressed, but drank it anyway and didn’t
get drunk. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a few parties I
realized how wonderful alcohol was. It relaxed me, making me feel socially
invincible. I relished the unfamiliar
sensation of confidence and casually sought drinks at every opportunity.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From the beginning alcohol caused me to act out of character
and I often had regrets. Yet it never occurred to me that I could just not drink.
I always thought, “I’ll do better next time.” It would be years before someone
would tell me that mindset is a trademark characteristic of alcoholics…
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What Alcoholism Feels Like</span></i></h4>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Have you ever gone on a roller coaster and instantly
regretted it? You change your mind just as the ride begins and it cannot be
stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That’s what my drinking was like. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I drank to manage stress. I drank to manipulate others. I drank to change my personality. I drank to get drunk. I drank to forget. I drank. I drank. I drank.
My alcoholism was characteristic of my environment. An officer in the U.S. Coast Guard, I embodied
the stereotypical sailor: drunk in port, hung-over at sea, and cursing in
between. Binge drinking and blackouts were my motto, and if you couldn’t keep
pace with me, I didn’t want to hang with you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not all alcoholics are binge drinkers, just like not all
musical instruments are made of brass. We have different habits, favorite
watering holes, family baggage, and psychiatric conditions. But we do have one
thing in common. We are powerless over our drinking once it starts… just like
the terrified roller coaster passenger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Desperation to Get Sober </span></i></h4>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 27px;">As any therapist or addiction specialist will tell you, and addict has to </span><em style="background-color: white; line-height: 27px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">want </em><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 27px;">to get sober in order for treatment to do them any immediate good. If they're not desperate for change, the information gets tucked away in the back of their mind - and saved for a truly desperate moment.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the end of my drinking, I didn’t want to get sober but I
didn’t want to keep living either. When I was awake I wanted to die, and when I
was drunk I was out of control. The combination terrified me. I couldn’t
understand my feelings because I knew deep down that I didn’t want to die. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My
life was saved because I voiced these feelings. The Coast Guard placed me in
psychiatric care. My mother and sisters flew 3,000 miles … Dad would check on
me a few months later. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While in the hospital being treated for depression, a
therapist interviewed me. She asked if I was willing to do anything it took to
change the way I felt. I said yes. She prober further adding, “Even if that
means not taking another drink for the rest of your life?”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I said, “Yes.”</span><span style="font-family: "Berlin Sans FB","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-32203872125428202432014-08-22T22:35:00.003-07:002014-08-22T22:41:04.439-07:0015 Signs You MIGHT Be An Alcoholic <h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You might be an alcoholic if...</span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Your friends have ever had to close out your bar tab for you because you passed out in a bathroom stall. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/cL9YavdPLWU2A" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. You are relieved after you puke because that means you can drink EVEN MORE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="235" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/SqA0Dl4d1WXoA" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. You pre-game before the pre-game ... and maybe you top things off with a nightcap. Or two. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="189" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/j3nYsyGf44Wm4" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. While nursing one glass, you're thinking about the next drink you want to order. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="235" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/1wicid1f4Y0w0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. You've ever tried to hide a black-eye you can't explain from the night before.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="500" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/bxRPxJVOfCHNS" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Morning afters usually require your friends to fill you in on all the silly/dramatic/angry/crazy sh*t you did the night before. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="422" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/zE3Kq66OEF85O" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. Embarrassment or shame from your drunken activities makes you want to drink.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/58Nw5LXCWOhBS" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You drink to wake up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/PcnUjSEMBlpgk" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9. You drink to celebrate, and to mourn, and to forget, and because it's Tuesday, and because ... sunshine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="370" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/13FuxUD9e2v3MI" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10. Social situations are AWFUL ... unless you have a drink. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="429" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/Fa1NLMfamWLSw" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">11. It's difficult, if not impossible, to keep track of exactly how many drinks you have in a night. Or how many it takes to get you drunk. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="455" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/44Eq3Ab5LPYn6" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">12. A friend has ever said they don't like you when you're drunk. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="251" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/Sl1lKFZEI4xgY" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">13. You've ever thought "I just want this feeling to stop" while drinking and you kept drinking anyway. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="370" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/RmizVDDPA7yeI" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">14. You do things you would never EVER do while sober. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="280" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/nx5jtSJXyes0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">15. Hangovers and being drunk have ever made you late for, or mess up at, work. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="375" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//giphy.com/embed/kKqfplDzgcjOo" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Notice, none of these had anything to do with:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">age</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">race</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">gender</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">job description/status</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">education level</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">financial security</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">hometown</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, while most Americans imagine alcoholics are homeless people wearing trenchcoats and carrying brown paper bags ... those are just the "Hollywood alcoholics". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alcoholism can affect anyone. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are you one of us? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://ncadd.org/learn-about-alcohol/alcohol-abuse-self-test" target="_blank">Take the test</a>. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-89946323944105735602014-08-21T13:01:00.000-07:002014-08-21T13:17:59.638-07:00Are you lookin' at me?!<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lUosRXSbBFg/U_ZTXBdS9oI/AAAAAAAADss/oZ3kNyGVPwI/s1600/not-about-me.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lUosRXSbBFg/U_ZTXBdS9oI/AAAAAAAADss/oZ3kNyGVPwI/s1600/not-about-me.png" height="425" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I once had a job where I felt like my boss was always talking down to me. He'd start all meetings with what felt like a grade-school level summary about why we were there. Every facet was described in painstakingly explicit detail. 15 minutes later...or something like that... we'd actually get started.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One day, I complained about this to a co-worker. His response was, </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"Becky, did it ever occur to you that he does that for himself, and it has absolutely nothing to do with his opinion of you?"</b></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No, of course it hadn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It felt like such an obvious and egregious offense toward me, specifically. He was treating me as a child for a reason. I was so caught up in these judgments that <b>I failed to consider what other reasons he might have</b> for speaking on such basic terms. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So...it's <i>not </i>about me. Hmm. That's something new. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This was not my first realization that I had a tendency to be selfish, although I've not ever been selfish in the same way most people generally think of that personality flaw. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remember, selfishness and self-pity are opposite sides of the same coin. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm selfish because I naturally gravitate towards negative self-thinking. On a basic level, I think of myself as an annoying, awkward, unlikable person whom other people merely tolerate. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a result, I always assume that people's frowns, bad attitudes, or general disposition has something to do with me. In doing this, I allow my judgments about myself to influence my relationships with other people. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Basically, I usually assume other people's thoughts, actions, and words revolve around me.</span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Which is totally self-centered and not true, btw. Most people are in fact thinking about themselves. All the time.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, to maintain my sanity, and adjunctly my sobriety, I have to find a way out of this selfish thought pattern. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To do that, I have to establish a new thought pattern.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I am choosing to not let that happen. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I choose to be happy with who I am. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I do not assume that other people are thinking about me. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I accept that other people's moods have nothing to do with me.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I realize that other people's opinions of me are none of my business, OR my responsibility. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I am grateful for my sobriety. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I am overwhelmed with love from the community of sober friends surrounding me.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, I see beauty and synchronicity in all areas of my life.</span></blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There. That should do it! ... for today.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-69624919348564532272014-08-14T11:34:00.000-07:002014-08-16T15:11:14.727-07:00What DOES depression feel like?<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine for a moment...</span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>...you are in complete darkness. There is no light, no sound, no wind, or smells. Holding your hand in front of your face, you see nothing. You speak but your voice fades away without echo. </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Stepping forward to find a wall or a door, you trip over uneven ground. But when you crawl back to find what made you trip, you feel only a surface as smooth as glass.</i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>You try to stand to keep looking for an exit and somehow weights have been added to your body, pressing down on your shoulders. The added pressure throws you off balance and makes you feel weak. You try to knock them off, but your hands find only air. </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A long time passes as you struggle to walk, trip, and </i></span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">stand over and over again</i><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. </i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>You don't know how long you have been here. </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>You don't know how long you <b>will </b>be here. </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>You only know the quiet desperation ripping you apart from the inside...begging for it to end. </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>You can only feel the utter loneliness in your soul created by the dark void around you. </i></span></blockquote>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is how depression felt to me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How do you explain that to someone? </span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Struggles (like the invisible weights) create the </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-style: italic;">sensation that our problems are unreal</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. We don't even know if we can trust what we felt because it's intangible with no obvious connection or cause. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In a day and age where everything <b>has </b>to have evidence leading to a cause, how do we explain ourselves in a way that others will listen? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">Depression </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">tells us we are </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>totally alone and our situation is helpless. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not having evidence to the contrary, we believe it. And sometimes, we give up because t</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">here are only two ways out of the dark void:</span></div>
<div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Death</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Asking for help</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why don't people ask for help?</span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you're depressed, it's kind of like being on the reflective side of a one-way mirror... Other people can see and hear you, but you can't hear or see them. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's impossible to know if anyone can hear or see you...or if they even care. </span></div>
<div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And <b>what you don't know, you fear</b>. So instead of imagining your friends and family hugging, loving, and supporting you - instead you imagine them as callous and indifferent towards your problems. You anticipate their judgment and critical gaze. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fear of the response of others, and not knowing how to verbalize and justify emotions are huge contributing factors which deter individuals from seeking help for depression. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What can we do?</span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A lot, actually. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">First </span>and foremost, </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">stop judging people who seek mental health treatment</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. I mean, </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">stop with both the negative and pitying statements</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Pity implies that someone is weak and somehow less than you. That you see yourself as stronger or better than someone receiving mental health treatments. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This could not be further from the truth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you find out someone is getting help, <b>congratulate them for taking that step</b>. Acknowledge that it's challenging and takes a great amount of courage to ask for help. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Give encouragement. Share your love. Empathize if you can. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But do not be critical or pitying. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Second</span>, <b>let's stop perpetuating this idea that success leads to happiness</b>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happiness comes from within. It's about accepting who you are, where you come from, how you live, and being grateful for it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some days I feel completely inundated with distractions, advertisements, movies, music - all promoting this idea of:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Do this! You'll have fun! You'll succeed at something and that will make you happy! Happiness is when you're the best, the smartest, the thinnest, the tannest..."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blah blah blah... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Robin Williams's death was tragic, but he has taught the world something important through his suicide. </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happiness is not determined by your level of success. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mental health problems cannot be fixed with the same mind that is sick. </span></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While we may perceive successful people as someone who "has it all" and has a happy life, that doesn't mean it's true because w</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">e can never <b><i>really </i></b>know the inner workings of someone else's mind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Third</span>, you can share this message to <b>raise awareness of what depression really feels like</b>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Shine a light into the void so people know their negative self-talk is a lie. Show them they are not alone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reach out your hand so they can hold on to something real, and trust what they are beginning to see. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Speak up about the reality of depression so all can hear you, even those trapped in the void. Tell them you're listening. Tell them about the phone number in the picture below, and tell them that they will listen too. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Basically, be a friend. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_XOQm4pHc3I/U-z_o-GhypI/AAAAAAAADec/7ZtcKGtwB6A/s1600/out-of-darkness.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_XOQm4pHc3I/U-z_o-GhypI/AAAAAAAADec/7ZtcKGtwB6A/s1600/out-of-darkness.PNG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-71682042083835122982014-08-07T19:34:00.000-07:002014-08-07T19:34:20.629-07:00When you forget to wear pants to work...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://houston.cbslocal.com/2014/08/06/police-teacher-found-in-classroom-intoxicated-without-pants-on-her-first-day/" target="_blank">A new teacher in Wagoner, OK was found sitting in an empty classroom on Monday, wearing no pants and smelling of alcohol.</a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Note: </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The comments posted to articles on this event are on the whole - appalling. While I expected to see criticism about what she did, I was completely unprepared for the judgments on her appearance. Please don't torture yourself by reading their narrow-minded and rude remarks. It will waste time you can never get back. </span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t8-SUoQZYxw/U-QV__FvLQI/AAAAAAAADeA/6OZRrjpvucw/s1600/insidious-disease.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t8-SUoQZYxw/U-QV__FvLQI/AAAAAAAADeA/6OZRrjpvucw/s1600/insidious-disease.PNG" height="364" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't care who you are, if you screw up this badly, there's a much bigger issue at play than just lack of common sense. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Clearly, she's hurting. Both before and after this incident. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think we'd be hard-pressed to find a person who could withstand this level of public humiliation without showing a shred of embarrassment or shame.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My heart aches for this woman. The mental picture I have of her sitting alone at her desk reminds me of how lonely and depressed I felt at my lowest moment when drinking. She needs our love, support, and encouragement - not snide remarks. I'm pretty sure it will be a long time before she can look back on this day and laugh about it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What is it about kicking someone when they are down that seems like a good idea?</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why do people get such a perverse enjoyment from saying negative things about <b><i>people they don't know</i></b>?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While I could be wrong, I suspect the same motivations behind this type of cyber-bullying is what motivates kids who pick on others at school:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I pick on her, I will make people laugh, because they laugh at those kinds of things, and that will make me cool.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I protect her, everyone will think that I am like her and they will pick on me too. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't want to be like her, so I should pick on her to show that we are not the same. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The other (more plausible) reason people are saying bad things about her, is because she screwed up in such a big way that they cannot imagine how/why/when they would ever screw up as badly. </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cannot tell you how many people I have met in recovery, myself included, who did things we SWORE we would never do. We did not aspire to say and do these things, but often times we looked back on our lives and said, "how did I let that happen?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We did so because we were drunk and addicted to alcohol. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am not a bad, unintelligent, or callous person because of what I said and did while drinking. </span></b></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am a person who has said and done bad</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, unintelligent, or callous</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> things under the influence of alcohol. </span></b></blockquote>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of us are perfect. We make bad choices all the time. That's what makes us human and unique in this imperfect world! Without bad choices <b><i>and consequences</i></b>, how would we learn and grow? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's what we do after our mistakes that defines our character. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Taking charge of our lives and owning our mistakes is hard. Mainly because we have been taught that we needed to be ashamed for bad choices. My thought is that <b><i>we are perpetuating the idea that it isn't okay to be imperfect</i></b>. While we don't <b><i>want </i></b>to screw up, we <b><i>should not </i></b>think badly of ourselves when things don't go as planned. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<h4>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am human. I am allowed to make mistakes. If I was perfect, I would be an angel or some shit. </span></h4>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">SO, if we expect to be forgiven for our faults, we should be generous with forgiving others. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Forgiveness is not condoning or endorsing the bad behavior of others. It's simply a way to acknowledge other peoples' right to be flawed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If it's too hard to forgive someone right away, start by being caring to the person. Offer to help someone you need to forgive by mowing their lawn or going to the store for them when they are sick. When you extend kindness of any kind without intent for reciprocation or praise, you are practicing forgiveness because <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive" target="_blank">literally, the word "forgive" comes from the word "forgifan" which means: to give.</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I guess I need to find a way to forgive the twats who said mean things about Mrs. Lorie Hill.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-62201385281915780172014-07-31T09:01:00.001-07:002014-07-31T09:08:39.758-07:00The Missing Piece of my Heart<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with the notion of love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For reasons unbeknownst to me, <b>I always thought that it had to be earned.</b> So when my parents said, <i>"We're so proud of you - you did a great job,"</i> or, <i>"I love you, honey,"</i> I didn't believe them. More often than not, my response was <i>"You have to say that, you're my parents."</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It breaks my heart today to imagine how that must have hurt them. And in truth, it hurt me too. I rejected their love and attention because I didn't feel that I deserved it and consequently reinforced my low self-esteem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a teenager, this lack of self-love manifested itself in many ways:</span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">social anxiety</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">fear of flirting or dating</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">self-deprecating thoughts and words</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">depression</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">suicidal ideations</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">lack of genuine or heart-felt relationships</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">fierce independence</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">stubbornness</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">determination</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">judgement - of myself and others</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">isolation</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">diminished spirituality</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">anger and hate</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">impatience</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">restlessness</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was missing a piece of my heart...the piece that showed showed me how to love, appreciate, and accept myself.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I started drinking, I forgot about the piece of my heart that was missing. Suddenly, I was cool, funny, happy, and relaxed. I didn't care what other people thought of me and I felt liberated.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it didn't last long.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a short while, I began to binge drink. Drinking any amount lowers your inhibitions, and binge consumption lowers them even more. I started to say and do things I'd never do sober. First, it was just minor stuff like swearing or ranting angrily about various issues. Then, as my tolerance grew and I drank more, my actions became more unpredictable</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. I drove drunk. I physically attacked people. I slept around. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ignored rules left and right and gave myself excuses. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nights out were immediately and invariably followed by emotionally painful days. They were so painful that I often drank to forget the things I did. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so the vicious cycle began:</span></div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I drank to forget the hole in my heart. </span></h3>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The more I drank, the bigger hole became.</span></h3>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The bigger the hole, the more I had to drink to fill it up.</span></h3>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By the time I got into rehab, the hole felt like a canyon...a seemingly endless crevice in my soul that could never be made whole again.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A counselor at the treatment center tasked me with journaling for 5 minutes a day on something that I loved about myself. After day 1, all of my topics came from the suggestions of other clients. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It took a long time, but this exercise started to change the way I saw myself. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What helped me the most was actually a process very similar to a Catholic confession. I was open and honest with another (sober) person about what happened while I was drinking. I told her specific stories and we looked for times when I was being selfish or self-seeking. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You might think that this process would only make me hate myself more. Yes, I hated the things I had done. I was ashamed and embarrassed, </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but that was only a temporary pain.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Talking with a trusted friend actually normalized my drunken and careless behavior. She reminded me that I was not the only person to have said or done that "horrible awful no-good very bad thing" that I was so afraid to admit. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She helped me to accept my flaws and mistakes as part of life. </span></h3>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She showed me acceptance and forgiveness. </span></h3>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She taught me that my past shaped the person I was becoming, but it did not define my quality of character.</span></h3>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She showed me how to love myself.</span></h3>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the hole filled up. My heart became whole.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Through this process I learned that <b>love is an omnipresent energy</b>; it is everywhere. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1fIRUHmTQ2A/U9pp-IkN7qI/AAAAAAAADdo/WcrFpUDu-cE/s1600/open-heart-4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1fIRUHmTQ2A/U9pp-IkN7qI/AAAAAAAADdo/WcrFpUDu-cE/s1600/open-heart-4.PNG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-77800033625642831462014-07-25T19:04:00.000-07:002014-07-25T22:37:11.815-07:00Will I EVER be Happy Again?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Early sobriety sucks. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5iZ6tYnndqM/U9MLlV37lhI/AAAAAAAADcw/HhHrfceISik/s1600/early-sobriety.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5iZ6tYnndqM/U9MLlV37lhI/AAAAAAAADcw/HhHrfceISik/s1600/early-sobriety.PNG" height="311" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Memories of my first 90 days in sobriety are sufficient motivation for me to not pick up a drink. I don't know if I would be willing to walk through that torturous emotional hurricane again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the first three weeks, I woke up with panic attacks every night between 2 and 4 am.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I woke up, the first thing that crossed my mind was whether I could get drunk or kill myself that day.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was terrified all the time. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nothing was funny. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I tried to convince my mom I could have <b><i>one</i></b> glass of wine with dinner. Because-after all-it was Thanksgiving...and everyone drinks wine on Thanksgiving. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I obsessively wrote the serenity prayer in my journal during meetings.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Everywhere I went, I was sure everyone hated me. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't know who to ask for help.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I often cried at work and ran into the bathroom hoping nobody would see me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then literally, on the 90th day, a switch flipped. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On that particular day, I was working on the Coast Guard ship I was assigned to. (There was a brief period of time where I returned to the ship between my Captain's Mast and the day my therapist recommended I be temporarily reassigned to a shore unit.) It was a Friday and it had been an exceptionally long day for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a headache from doing my hair up in a bun that was too tight. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I felt drained emotionally, mentally, and physically. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was desperately lonely, wishing I had my parents in town</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">to hug and reassure me</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> instead of at their home 3,000 miles away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I desperately wanted a drink.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then I remembered something I was taught in rehab: <b>H.A.L.T.</b> Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you've never heard this acronym before, it is a way to check if you're meeting your physical and emotional needs before you run to pick up a drink. <b>When a craving hits you, stop and ask, "Am I H</b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>ungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?" </b>If the answer is yes to ANY of the four, stop whatever you're doing and address that need immediately.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since it was the end of the workday and all I had left to do was change out of my uniform and go home, I opted to roll over into my rack (military jargon for "bed") and take a nap. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Four hours later, when I awoke, I felt physically different. The heaviness that had been resting so comfortably on my chest and shoulders for three months was GONE. I didn't feel anxious. I wasn't lonely or depressed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then, </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">for the first time in many many months,</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I smiled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In that moment of craving, I did the best possible thing for my sobriety:</span></div>
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<h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>I followed a suggestion that had been given to me.</b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People don't suggest you go to rehab or meetings for recovery programs (like AA, SMART, or LifeRing) because they want your money. <b>Those programs are suggested so that you can learn ways to cope with your cravings <i>without </i>getting wasted.</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of the most common concerns from people who are afraid to quit drinking is this: will I ever have fun again?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The answer is a resounding and assuring YES, although it may take a while. For me, it was 90 days before I had the first inkling that my life was about to improve. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are absolutely ways to be happy in sobriety. Just like it's absolutely possible to be miserable. Just because you get sober, your life isn't always filled with sunshine, puppies, sparkles, and unicorns. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We learn how to keep sober through ALL the stuff that happens in life: break-ups, new relationships, death in the family, new baby, losing a job, getting a new job, and so on. And because life has many stages, and it just keeps changing, <b>the learning process never ends</b>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the mornings, I <b>choose </b>to make a conscious effort to improve my life. For me, that starts with accepting that I'm an alcoholic. Then I have to accept that I have no control over the people, places, or things in my life <b>EXCEPT </b>for what happens in my own head. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I can remember these things, today might actually be a good day. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-88746739951397056432014-07-17T23:18:00.003-07:002014-07-18T12:22:45.876-07:00What To Do When God F*ks With You<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes, when you don't give your life over to God*, he screws with you. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God, a term I use to describe the Universal Energy which is my Higher Power which is not affiliated with any one organization or religion.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it's okay, right? Because it's in a loving way... the same way that your friends and family tease you incessantly about your character flaws. They wouldn't do it if they </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">didn't love you</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Or like when boys call you names and punch you in the arm because they like you. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They're <b><i>just </i></b>trying to be friendly...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really don't think that God is inherently mean-spirited, cruel, or unforgiving. My experiences have taught me that I can feel God's love, protection, and care <i>at any time that I'm open to it</i>. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"</span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Open to it</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">" are the key words here. If I cross my arms, how am I supposed to pick up the package left for me by the FedEx delivery guy? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The same (simple) rule applies to good luck, a.k.a. "gifts from God" or blessings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, when I'm being particularly obstinate or difficult and ignoring signs from our angels and gifts from God or The Universe, I <i>should </i>expect to get a curve ball thrown at my head. It forces me to yank back, releasing my arms and letting go of the bat. I look at where the ball came from and yell "WTF, dude?!" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cease Fighting</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At this point, I usually realize just how bad that accident could have been - and just how lucky I am in so many ways. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I am </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">alive, healthy, and safe. I have access to everything I could possibly need and more. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why should I be angry? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I <b><i>have </i></b>to relinquish the idea that I have a justifiable reason to be angry <b><i>about anything</i></b>. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When my life is put into sharp perspective, it's impossible to see myself as a victim of circumstance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Clear Negativity</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no room in my life for negativity. None. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes I forget this and under stress start "venting" about absolutely everything, which is just a socially acceptable way of saying that I "gossip" or "bitch" about my frustrations. In this state, all I can do is spread more negativity. As I bitch and complain, I am filling anyone listening or overhearing with their own negativity. Maybe they dislike hearing my complaints, or they feel personally affronted on my behalf. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whatever their reaction - it's not their problem. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to stuff your feelings without acknowledging them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>It's normal and healthy to express feelings when upset. </b>Dissecting negative thoughts and feelings with the help of a trusted friend, spiritual leader, or therapist lessens their grip on me. As a recovering alcoholic, this is pretty key for me. Decreasing the negative thoughts has a direct correlation to relieving myself of the desire to drink. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>That </i></b>is what I consider to be the constructive manner of dealing with negativity. <b><i>NOT </i></b>venting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Absorb Good Energy</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finding positive alternatives to the negative behavior is what helps me to truly eradicate the latter from my life and move on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have seen, heard, and read multiple suggestions for how to bring in good energy. It may be different for you, but I'll share here the things that I do:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Exercise</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Read spiritual literature</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do a guided meditation</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Listen to live or archived radio shows on <a href="http://hayhouseradio.com/">HayHouseRadio.com</a> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Attend a religious service</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Attend a 12-step / self-help meeting </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Call a friend or family member </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Play with my dogs</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Walk in the park</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Art: painting / drawing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bake something to share or give away</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Send flowers, a handwritten letter, or a gift to someone "just because"</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Basically, <b><i>good energy is anything that comes from a loving, heart-centered space</i></b>, such as giving of one's self without expecting or hoping for a reciprocal act of generosity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if all else fails and that stuff seems like too tall of an order, just focus on one thing: <b><i>Find something to be grateful for in your life. </i></b></span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-26854012062547405422014-07-10T20:57:00.001-07:002014-07-22T22:19:28.830-07:00I'm perfectly imperfect, and that's perfectly okay.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My mind is split in two: me and my addict. They both reside in that grey matter between
my ears and they both give me advice. It’s
like the angel and demon over each shoulder, or the story about how you have to
choose between feeding one of <a href="http://www.nanticokeindians.org/tale_of_two_wolves.cfm">two wolves that
live inside you</a>. Lately I’ve been
seeing a lot more of the devilish, angry, addict side of my brain which is
miserable and incorrigible. I have been
hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. There
is very little anyone can say or do to improve my mood when I am in that state
of mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On my way home from work this evening I thought about doing
something to help myself fight the alcoholic mindset. I thought about going to talk to other people
suffering from the same condition. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Oh, it's 5:28, I could make it to the 5:30."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"You'll be late."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"There's always that other place that starts at 5:45."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">“No, don’t go. It’s time for dinner.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;">“But I’m not really all
that hungry. Plus I have a banana and a salad</span></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"> with me</span></span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> so I could eat those if I
get hungry enough.”</span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #073763; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"You don't have a fork."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I can use my fingers."</span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">“But you don’t want salad for dinner. You want steak. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;">Go
home and cook something substantial.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I really don’t want to
cook tonight. Besides, </span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the salad will go bad </span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">if I don’t eat it tonight.”</span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;">“You ought to go home and work on your book, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;">or finish that TV episode you started watching during the carpool.” </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I can’t work my
recovery in around my life. </span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have to work my life around my recovery.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And with that last thought, I turned left instead of right and went to talk with a
bunch of sober alcoholics about recovery for a little while. During the discussion I flashed back to that
internal debate in my car and realized that I was really glad I didn’t go home.
It reminded me of all the “reasons” my addict mindset has used to lure me towards drinking again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, for your entertainment value, welcome to the
insane part of my mind which gives me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;">10 (Not Really) Justifiable Reasons My Alcoholic Mind Wants Me to Drink</span></h3>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1) You should just try to have a glass of red wine. It’ll taste so good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2) Some people think you’re not really an alcoholic. You should
go out and relapse just to <b>PROVE IT</b> to them!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3) Since you never went to jail, had your stomach pumped, or
got nabbed for a DUI, you really ought to go back out drinking. No one is going to take your book seriously
without those experiences.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4) You don’t want to write a book about alcoholism without
having relapsed, do you? I mean, what
alcoholic <b><i>hasn’t</i></b> relapsed?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5) To really recover from being a perfectionist, you should
intentionally screw up your sobriety. For no reason. Just go and have a drink.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6) You’ll feel better. All
this stress you’re carrying around will be lifted once you have a gin and tonic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7) You’ve already been sober as long as you drank, surely you’ll
be fine. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8) You’re bound to screw this whole sobriety thing up
eventually anyway…I mean, statistically how long can you possibly stay sober? Why not just beat it to the punch?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9) The wine the priest serves during Holy Communion is totally
okay because as soon as he blesses it, it transforms metaphorically into blood.
So… you’re not <b><i>really</i></b> drinking wine. You
should at least drink the wine at communion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10) The Coast Guard doesn’t control your life anymore. You won’t lose your job if you go out drinking
one night. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think my alcoholism might have a point on the last one. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I might not lose my job </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>today </i></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">after </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>one </i></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">night...but I know myself and I have heard other peoples' stories of relapses. One night will become just the first of many many more. It might take days, weeks, months, or even years to lose my job as a result of my drinking. Who knows? But it would only be a matter of time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who knows if I would ever get sober again? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I stand to gain nothing as a result of quitting "the sobriety thing" intentionally. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cannot overcome my fear of failure or obsession with perfectionism by giving up the very thing I'm afraid of failing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no power over whether other people will find credence in my self-proclamation of being an alcoholic. Therefore, I should certainly <b><i>not </i></b>try to prove it to them or "improve my credentials" by drinking more. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah, I may not do this sobriety thing perfectly, and I may not stay sober for the rest of my life, <b><i>but that's no reason to stop trying</i></b>. </span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-82539090141288034052014-07-02T22:22:00.000-07:002014-07-02T22:22:46.418-07:00I'm Not THAT Stupid<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">The primary message I received about alcohol during school
health classes and military alcohol awareness trainings was to “make good choices”. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>T</i></b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>hese lessons taught me that alcohol and substance abuse problems stemmed from a lack of willpower. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Despite being repeatedly warned about how alcohol affects a person's judgment, </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I quickly dismissed the warnings. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">I never thought I could develop a problem because</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> I always had excellent self-control and plenty of willpower. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>That won’t
happen to me,</i> I thought, <i>I’m not that
stupid. </i> </span><i style="font-family: Cambria, serif;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">What I didn't know was that <b><i>neither intelligence nor </i></b></span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>super self-control guarantees a person immunity from alcoholism</i></b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I didn't learn any of this (really useful) information until I was already an active alcoholic. </span><br />
<br />
<h4 style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">No one really knows what causes alcoholism</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Doctors and specialists all over the world have spent decades studying addiction in general and alcoholism specifically. And while they know that alcoholism's </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">development and progression are definitely impacted by a combination of genetic, social, cultural, and biological factors (</span><a href="http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-articles/addiction-as-lack-of-willpower/" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">source</a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">),</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"> no one can pinpoint a singular root cause.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">And that includes willpower:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"<span style="color: #333333;">Critics aside, it is a recognized medical position that a lack of willpower is not the cause of an addiction."</span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">~ <span style="color: #333333;"><a href="http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-articles/addiction-as-lack-of-willpower/" target="_blank">Addiction As Lack of Willpower, alcoholrehab.com</a></span></span></blockquote>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h4 style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alcoholism affects a wide variety of people </span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Statistics </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">show that alcoholism is not limited to any singular profession, socio-economic background, race, gender, religion, hair color, geographic location, or any other superficial attribute we typically use to identify ourselves. For evidence of this, <a href="http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/pressmedia/p-48-aa-membership-survey" target="_blank">Alcoholics Anonymous created a pamphlet</a> with data collected during a <i>voluntary </i>survey to its' members in 2011.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
<h4 style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alcoholism </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">manifests</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> in </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">people differently </span></h4>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Not all alcoholics are homeless people who live under bridges. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Not all alcoholics lose their home, spouse, children, or job. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Not all alcoholics drink alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Hopefully, you get the picture.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">Run a search for "questions to determine if I'm an alcoholic" and a few options will crop up. In many cases they will tell you that <b><i>you don't have to answer <span style="color: #b45f06;">every </span>question with "yes" in order to be an alcoholic</i></b>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For instance, I know a woman who consumed 2-drinks a day and never blacked out, whereas I drank sporadically and regularly experienced blackouts. Both scenarios will cause us to answer "yes" to different questions in </span><a href="https://ncadd.org/learn-about-alcohol/alcohol-abuse-self-test" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">this quiz by the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence</a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">This <a href="http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for-you-twelve-questions-only-you-can-answer" target="_blank">12-question quiz provided by Alcoholics Anonymous</a> touts that you <i>could </i>have a problem with alcohol if you answer "yes" as few as four times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<h4 style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">SPREAD THE WORD</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More people need to learn about alcoholism and addiction in a way that tells them they are <b><i>NOT </i></b>a bad or immoral person if they struggle with drugs or alcohol. Like most mental health issues, it is more common than most people realize, afflicting 17.6 million people (1 in every 12 adults). (</span><a href="http://ncadd.org/index.php/learn-about-alcohol/faqsfacts" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" target="_blank">FAQs/Facts, National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence</a>) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 24px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do the math. Look at the number of people you are connected to on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or just in your daily life. </span><b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-style: italic;">Chances are, you know someone battling alcoholism.</b></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-36875266321079167892014-06-26T22:39:00.000-07:002014-06-27T13:38:47.202-07:00anxiety doesn't become me<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post called <a href="http://beckydoyle.blogspot.com/2014/05/pushing-button.html">Pushing the Button</a>. I talked about how important it is to trust the process. Today I remembered just how important this is as I have been struggling to trust the inevitable changes looming ahead for me. I realized that </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">all of my concerns and worries were getting wrapped around me in a giant blanket of fear. I couldn't eat, I couldn't relax, even sleeping was stressful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I remembered that the keys to courage is learning how to keep moving forward in spite of the fear surrounding me. Here are</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> some practical methods I use to acknowledge my fears and move forward without letting them control me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Make a list. Or a spreadsheet.</span></h3>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Usually when I'm wigging out like this, it's because I can't decide between two options, or I have too many thoughts to consider and remember. T</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">his will help you w</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">hether you're weighing two options or are afraid of everything. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I personally like spreadsheets for comparing things, or pairing actions with status updates, whatever. When I was looking at moving to be closer to work I estimated my cost of living in different towns by rent prices, pet deposits, commuting distances, approximate gas used per month, and toll costs. I compared these expenses for at least six different scenarios. Then I did it again for commuting on public transit. After that, my decision was <b><i>easy</i></b>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> When I was trying to determine whether or not I was an alcoholic I made a list with two columns, one for reasons I <b><i>was </i></b>an alcoholic, and one for all the reasons I <b><i>wasn't</i></b>. What I found when I made the list was that all of the reasons I thought I wasn't an alcoholic were based on the opinions of other people....which brings me to...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">2. Cross off any worries founded in the <span style="color: purple;">opinions </span>of other people. </span></h3>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> These are things we have no control over. P</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">eople have minds of their own and we have no control over their thoughts and beliefs. If it's going to cause us agony, the only productive thing to do is to let it go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">3. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Group your fears by type according to people, money, love, and material belongings. </span></h3>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> All fears stem from one of two ideas, "I'm not going to get what I want" or "I'm going to lose something I already have." It's easier to see which one each fear stems from when you group them like this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> Go through your list and identify each item as fitting one of these two ideas. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">4. List actions you can take for every fear on your list. </span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
As much as we like to think we are in complete control of our future, the fact is that other people exist in this world. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While they may impact us, we have no idea how or when it will happen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> What we <b style="font-style: italic;">can do</b> includes anything on this list. Update your resume if you're afraid of losing a job. Hire an editor to work on your book's manuscript. Call a friend to ask for support with a difficult decision. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5. Work on your to-do list, one fear at a time.</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Do not try to tackle everything at once. It like if you try to wash all of your clothes at once, the machine won't work because it's overloaded. The same principle applies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Remember, put a big, fat line through each action once it's completed. </span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">6. Remember your FEARs are simply False Evidence Appearing Real. </span></h3>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"...notice and remind yourself that all fear, unless it involves rapidly moving weapons, teeth, or claws, is actually bullshit." ~ </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/08/23/fear-is-just-a-chemical/</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">But whatever you do, don't let your life be run by fear. </span></h3>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-84064478651178797852014-06-20T10:56:00.000-07:002014-06-20T10:56:17.664-07:00When I feel like drinking...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">...it's usually because I feel like I'm losing control over some aspect of my life. Whether it's money, overbooking myself with obligations, stress or challenges at work, it feels the same.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I'm craving a drink, it feels as though someone is pushing on my chest, holding me back. Anxiety takes my stomach and twists it, turns it, and pulls it down towards my navel, enticing me to vomit. Then I remember the numbing sensation of intoxicating drinks and I literally become thirsty. Sitting at my desk, in the car, or wherever, all I can think about is pouring something cool and wet down my throat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wine. That's what comes to mind next. Ohhhh a glass of wine would taste so good right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is where I usually catch myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I fast-forward to the other side effects I experience after drinking copious amounts of wine or any other alcoholic beverage.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nausea.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Vomiting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Dizziness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Slurred speech.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Confusion.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Indifference.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sadness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Loneliness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Despair.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Frustration.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anger.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rage.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hopelessness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And then there's the hangovers. Oh. My. Word. Most of the time they were tolerable, but every once in a while the hangovers were incapacitating...usually when I forgot to drink water while boozing, or for some reason I blacked out the night before. Then, I run through some memories of particularly bad consequences from drinking too much. A black eye. Fights with friends. I engaged in a lot of behaviors drunk that I would have never done sober.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some part of me wonders if it will ever get that bad again. Maybe I <b><i>can</i></b> drink alcohol safely now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I know that's just a fantasy - thinking that one day I can drink alcohol in a reasonable and controlled manner. If I didn't have a serious problem with the stuff it wouldn't have been so hard to quit in the first place. The first 90 days of my sobriety were by far the worst days of my life. Daily I woke up tired, feeling as though life was too much work. The return-on-investment seemed non-existent... Life was a laborious and worthless process, something to be endured, not enjoyed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">No matter how bad my days are, life is <b>nowhere </b>near as difficult as it was in the first 90 days of my sobriety. I just have to remember that and do a lot of work on my personal growth just in case the desire to drink sneaks up and takes me by surprise.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-71175993930231909342014-06-12T07:39:00.001-07:002014-06-27T13:36:10.588-07:00The Booby Ban<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am so confused. But then again, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I never understood why breasts were idolized in the first place. </span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If a woman shows a lot of skin she is either praised for having a positive body image and expressing her femininity...or she's chastised for objectifying all women by using sex to promote herself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
As I read these different stories I <span style="line-height: 115%;">find valid points that I support in all of
them...</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rihanna wore a gorgeous dress to the </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Council of Fashion Designers of America awards and TLC
blasted her for using sex to sell her music. In response, Rihanna found a
picture of TLC topless, covering their breasts with only their hands, and
tweeted it with a clever remark.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0.15600000321865082px; line-height: 22.5px;">(<a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/rihanna-posts-topless-photo-of-tlc-after-they-chastise-her-nudity-20140606">Rolling Stone</a>) </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Meanwhile, circulating the internet is <a href="http://www.islamcan.com/islamic-stories/muhammad-alis-advice-to-his-daughters.shtml#.U5K3PvldWSo">a beautiful story</a> about a conversation between Mohammad Ali and his daughters. He teaches them that their bodies are sacred and like anything precious on this earth, God intended them to be covered and hard to get to. It's a sweet, metaphorical, and beautiful message. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Then, there are some very well-supported arguments about the impact of telling girls to "cover up" on America's rape culture. It wasn't until recently that I realized how this idea teaches young girls that they are responsible if raped because they "tempt" males by dressing scantily. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
And don't forget that some people don't want their young, pre-teen, or teenage children to witness women publicly breast-feeding because it's "inappropriate". In response, many women have stood up to lobby for a mother's right to breastfeed her infant in public. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Seriously? I'm dizzy from reading all these articles. I feel like I'm turning in circles. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What if the reason we care so much about partial nudity is because we <b>choose </b>to make a big deal out of it? </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I mean, really, if you think about it, boobs are SUPER COMMON. Approximately 52% of people in the world have them. And if you don't have them, there's a good chance you've seen someone else's...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
<b>Does the ban on public booby exposure make them seem more exotic and rare?</b> Is that the real reason breasts have become synonymous with sex? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
I don't know about you, but in my opinion, seduction requires a lot more than just bare skin....there's the sultry pout, suggestive maneuvers, etc. <b>But by themselves, breasts are not equivalent to sex. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So what's the big deal?</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> If a woman wants to show some or all of her breasts, let her. If a woman wants to wear a headscarf, why do you care? If a woman wants to wear a ball gown to dinner at Denny's, don't stop her. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Each person has preferences that are personal and unique. Who you are and what you like shouldn't bother anyone else and if it does, that's not your problem. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-89157721518269460652014-06-05T23:40:00.002-07:002014-06-27T13:38:04.758-07:00How do we STOP school shootings?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The way we're going...school shootings will be nearly impossible to eradicate. </span><br />
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</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lfykY9jrvNY/U5FuW2c6XuI/AAAAAAAAC0U/W-lodg3Kq2g/s1600/violence-edited.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lfykY9jrvNY/U5FuW2c6XuI/AAAAAAAAC0U/W-lodg3Kq2g/s1600/violence-edited.png" height="640" width="360" /></span></a></div>
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<br />
In any scientific study you cannot select a single element of the environment and blame it as the sole cause of the problem being studied. The scientific process requires closely monitored and controlled experiments. Similarly, you cannot individually blame gun laws, security measures, mental heath assessments or treatment, video games, upbringing, bullying, or school environments for these murders. All of these factors play a role, and because each person is different, we cannot arbitrarily decide how much they each factor in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
In a way, we are paralleling the shooter's mentality by making these judgments. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
Before you write me off, think about it. The shooter looks at a myriad of life problems and identifies a mass killing as the solution for them all. It's like that phrase about how when you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. In the United States we are trying to attribute one root cause to numerous school shootings, all with different attackers with their own life story and mental health problems. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
As a comparison, for anyone who is familiar with addiction and treatments, it's very common for the addict to seek out "the reason I became an addict" with the motivation being that "if I can fix that one thing, I can go back to drinking and using." The fact is, once you've turned that corner, you can't go back. It's like when a cucumber has been turned into a pickle. Pickles cannot return to being a cucumber. Furthermore, there is no singular cause that can be attributed to addiction. Like with the school shooting there are several contributing factors: family history, frequency of use, quantity used, mental state when using, emotional trauma, etc. Not a single one can be taken out of context and blamed as the sole reason for an individual developing an addiction. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Perceiving mass murder as a viable solution to any problem is illogical. It indicates hopelessness and desperation. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If we want to protect future generations from knowing this kind of homicide, we need to take an objective look at our society and analyze why these shooters felt so hopeless and desperate in the first place. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
It is easy to lose sight of the fact that these killers are people too, because they have done something irreversible and unforgivable on most accounts. But remembering that they are like us will be essential to working on this problem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
What can we do, collectively, to minimize the likelihood of hopelessness and desperation in the United States?</span><br />
<ul style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Listen to people around you. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Acknowledge and appreciate the involvement and opinions of others, even if you don't agree with them. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Encourage and support programs that do community outreach in your area. (Such as <a href="http://oaklandunite.org/tag/oakland-street-outreach/">Oakland Unite</a>)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Show kindness, even when it's difficult. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Have compassion for those you anger you, because they are suffering too. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We cannot reliably predict the circumstances which will cause any random person to pack a rifle and ammunition to attack innocent people in a public venue...yet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
We can make small changes in our lives to make the people around us feel safe, appreciated, and loved. That is a start in the right direction...for now. </span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-71583917660952754122014-05-30T08:54:00.000-07:002014-06-27T13:36:33.132-07:00Pushing the Button<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My long stride and hurried pace gets me to the intersection just a hair too late to cross. So I turn to my right and wait for the other crosswalk light to change. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In front of me, a petite anxious-looking woman pushes the crosswalk button two, three, four times in a row. The green arrow for traffic turns yellow and she pushes the crosswalk button again once more. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While crossing the street I wonder if she's trying to catch the same bus as me. After crossing the road, we both turn to our left to face the other crosswalk. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The anxious woman repeats her button-pushing process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Doesn</i><i>'t she know</i> <i>that doesn't make the light </i><i>change</i><i> any faster? </i>I wonder to myself as we walk between the white lines...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But then I realize I do the same thing now and again...but...why?</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> Under what circumstances do I feel the need to push the button over and over? Why do I keep pressing the button, expecting a different result? It's slightly insane, doing the same thing over and over...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What it boils down to is that I don't trust that the button was working properly until I see the light change. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So I push the button. Repeatedly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But my message was received. The light was waiting for the right time to answer. If my light changed before the other streetlights completed their cycles, well, I could be very badly injured. The circuitry in the lights are programmed to acknowledge the message when the timing is right. Even though I want to cross the street immediately, the lights won't change until it's safe. I have to trust something I don't see or understand. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's a lot like a prayer or affirmation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I say a prayer or an affirmation, I am pushing a metaphorical button. The universe hears my prayer but has to wait for all the other pieces to align. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is where I have to practice patience, which is not easy for me. To learn patience I have to trust that my</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> needs will be met, and if I don't get what I want then there's something better waiting for me that I had not anticipated. It's easier to trust the process now because I've seen this very development happen several times in my life now. In the beginning, when I was developing my spiritual beliefs, I had to trust the word of others. I read a lot of books and took advice from different people until their words resonated with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Every once in a while I feel insecure and backpedal until I reaffirm my belief system. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is why I find it necessary to have regular spiritual practices to ground me and tap into my spiritual center. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When I attain trust, I accept the fact that I have no power or influence on the people, places, or things in my life. In doing so, I relieve myself of a huge burden. It allows me to let go of responsibility for something that wasn't mine in the first place.</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">..and that leads to a very relaxed state of mind! </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-15872842174013157072014-05-23T00:56:00.003-07:002014-06-27T13:36:44.784-07:00Sober on Bourbon Street<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I saw this shirt today and flipped out. It's like it was made just for me:</span><br />
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<a href="http://i.tfcdn.com/img2/TwN3vEIAY5r8r0kmsaAgsSg1hyGjpKTASl8_NblCLzM3MT21WDcxN7EqP08vOT9XHyKi76lvahjoUhYY6u-f56OXVZAOAA**/fvUG-v8A.B" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://i.tfcdn.com/img2/TwN3vEIAY5r8r0kmsaAgsSg1hyGjpKTASl8_NblCLzM3MT21WDcxN7EqP08vOT9XHyKi76lvahjoUhYY6u-f56OXVZAOAA**/fvUG-v8A.B" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Because that is ME to a T. Haha - get it? I know...that was a terrible pun. I don't blame you if you stop reading now.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is my first trip to New Orleans and (so far) I’m doing it stone-cold sober. On my way into town on the plane last night I suddenly flashed back to the first time I realized that those little tiny bottles of booze were less than 3 oz and could go in my quart-size ziploc bag in my carry-on. I was overjoyed at the idea of having alcohol on the plane for a third of the price the airline would charge me. ANY way to save money while drinking was money well-spent, and a good reason to drink. Hell, everything was a good reason to drink.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While I'm a naturally wacky, outgoing person to begin with, for a long time that had to be supplemented with alcohol when I was in a public space with a bunch of people I didn't know. Everywhere I went, I was worried that people were judging me. How arrogant is that? To think that every stranger I meet is taking time to look at, observe, and make a judgment about me is incredibly self-centered. Most of the time, other people are not thinking about you. Really. They're not. They are thinking about the turkey they need to get for dinner, whether or not they remembered to do something important, or are ruminating over what drink to get next. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And even if they were looking at, and thinking about you, why should that even matter? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The moment I accepted "what other people think of me is none of my business" as a personal truth, I lost my fear of people and my self-diagnosed social anxiety subsided. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Tonight I got up to "sing" karaoke and rocked out to P!nk for 3 minutes and 23 seconds without any regard for what people in the audience thought about my performance or my dress. Sure, before going up there I was a little nervous, and even dragged a girlfriend up with me. I paused briefly and let my fear go.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And then....it was time to rock out. To a drinking song, but hey, "Raise Your Glass" is kind of my anthem...</span></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So if you're too school for cool</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(I mean)</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And you're treated like a fool</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">(You're treated like a fool)</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You can choose to let it go</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can always, we can always party on our own</span></i></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So many of P!nk's lyrics speak to me personally, and this one is no exception. The idea that you can choose to let go of the way other people treat you and think of you is not something that I ever REALLY believed in...until I got sober. Learning how to let go of that judgment is not easy, but also incredibly liberating. Once you realize that drama doesn't HAVE to impact you, there's nothing to stop you from having fun whenever you want!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I danced down Bourbon Street tonight (regardless of whether or not we heard music) I realized that I have a great gift. As a result of working hard learning to love myself, I've given myself permission to cut loose in whatever way I see fit! Whether that's dancing down Bourbon Street, wearing a kissing sticker on my chest, or screaming along to a karaoke track, it doesn't matter.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All that matters is that I stay true to who I am and what I want.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I try to mold myself to meet someone else's expectations, THEN I run into trouble! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So let's raise our glasses to never limiting our radiance to blend in with others! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/XjVNlG5cZyQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">p.s. P!nk - you're my hero :-)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">x</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-66692736075239747512014-05-15T22:17:00.000-07:002014-06-30T08:32:57.049-07:00my daily dose of happy<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let's face it. Sometimes your normally uneventful (boring) life straight-up sucks for one reason or another... Unless you're one of those people who can weather any storm without anything phasing you. (What are you taking and where can I get some?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">About a year ago I stumbled across this picture which kept me laughing out loud ALL DAY:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MhRLy6xJBtY/U3UbZhaumJI/AAAAAAAACCs/d4J20eLyM14/s1600/look-take-a-bite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MhRLy6xJBtY/U3UbZhaumJI/AAAAAAAACCs/d4J20eLyM14/s1600/look-take-a-bite.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I made it my background and giggled every time I closed a window, revealing these four little faces.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When friends of mine at work were having a bad day, I would send them one or two similar pictures, hoping to brighten their days. Then when I had a bad day, or needed a brain break from work, I'd look up some new ones.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It became a daily process very quickly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The first time I sent out three pictures to all of my co-worker friends, I called it:</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">my daily dose of happy</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and it stuck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I started sending three pictures every morning as soon as I got to work. I set down my purse, get a cup of coffee or tea, then open my email...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Before I open anything new or allow one iota of stress or anxiety into my head- I find an email with pictures that suit my mood and make me smile. (For me, it's like taking an instant anti-depressant, but it's free and doesn't require a prescription!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Periodically, throughout the day, I open my Sent Items folder to look them over again. An even though I've seen the same pictures earlier that morning, this simple act brightens my day. Even if it's just for a minute.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What I'm doing at that moment is I make a conscious decision to change my perspective. Some days it's more difficult than others. For instance if I've just gone through a break-up or (like recently) lost a friend to cancer, you most likely won't see me smiling over the cubicle wall. But on those days, I just need to see something silly and fun to remind myself that pain is temporary and you can't take life too seriously...at least...not if you want to be happy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I honestly believe that the key to happiness is actually just whatever it takes for us to unlock the vault where adults keep their inner child hidden. Every once in a while, we all need to giggle. We need to see or do something silly and revel in its weirdness. Embrace, for just a moment, a carefree feeling and forget how you should act at your age.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Open that vault, once a day, for 30 seconds.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For me, it's looking at silly animal memes. For you, it may be balancing a spoon on your nose or making noises into a rotating fan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You might feel absolutely ridiculous. Maybe you'll really love the feeling. It might even take a while for you to find a daily practice that you like, but I promise anything silly will do. Give it 30 days and then re-assess what you think about this exercise.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am optimistic of the outcome.</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-85304323396110251682014-05-11T01:25:00.002-07:002014-06-27T13:37:11.043-07:00Oakland's Morality Clause and The Laramie Project<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Educators at Bishop O’Dowd High School have been making the headlines
of newspapers across the country regarding a new part to their contract
entitled the “Morality Clause.” (If you haven’t heard about this, do yourself a
favor and do a quick Google search or <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Oakland-Diocese-requiring-educators-to-conform-to-5464492.php">check
out this article from the SFGate</a>.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ironically, this is also the closing weekend of Bishop O’Dowd’s
production of The Laramie Project, a
play about the notorious Matthew Shepard case, a violent gay hate crime that
occurred in Laramie, Wyoming in 1998. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The best part of the show last night occurred in response to a line delivered by Nate Gipson when playing the role of Laramie’s
Catholic priest, Father Roger Schmit. While ruminating over whether or not to ask the Bishop’s permission
to host a vigil for Matthew Shepard, Gipson’s character stated, “The Bishop’s
permission doesn't make it correct. What is correct is correct.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The timing and delivery could not have been more perfect. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The audience which had been mostly docile and observant throughout
the emotionally dense play, erupted in applause. Gentle laughter, mumbled comments
between neighbors, and nods of approval rolled through the crowd and slowly
subsided leaving no doubts to the viewers’ feelings about the recent news of the Bishop's morality
clause.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While the Bishop claims the new clause is <i>anything but</i> a witch-hunt, it seems the students, faculty, and parents of Bishop O'Dowd are not convinced. <o:p></o:p>It's basic relationship 101. If you tell your girlfriend she should "put on something else", she will most like interpret it to mean "I hate that outfit" or "You look fat in that dress." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Unless the Bishop becomes completely transparent about his intentions on a public level, the most likely assumption people will jump to is, "he's trying to find and fire anyone who goes against Catholic doctrine."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is just one of many ways in which leaders of the
Catholic church continue to alienate themselves from their congregations. </span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050605583616791348.post-24925676908727069762014-05-08T22:40:00.001-07:002014-07-02T11:44:25.051-07:00My bucket list<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A friend of mine died recently. Before he left this plane, he said several times, "I have no regrets."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And as it sometimes happens when witnessing a sudden death like this, I began to ponder my own frail life. If doctors found terminal cancer in my vital organs and estimated I had a mere three weeks left to live, as they did with my friend, how would I live those three weeks? If I died in a car accident tomorrow, would I be afraid or would I be at peace?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Truth be told, I would definitely have regret if I died tomorrow. I am one of those people that keeps a bucket list. I even set New Years Resolutions and yearly goals for myself (though I don't necessarily achieve them). It seems like I let too many things get in the way of me actually completing the majority of my goals with work being the number one offender. I feel that in order to achieve more of these bucket list items I need to change the way I think about making plans, and the way I manage my time in general. Otherwise, 2014 is going to be just another year of hectic deadlines, running errands, fulfilling duties to earn money to pay the bills which I have as a result of just existing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So here's to me working towards a few of my many bucket list/New Years goals:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *establish a daily writing practice (for enjoyment - blog, short stories, poems, etc)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *complete a book proposal before September 23</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *complete a first draft of my book</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *play more games and have more fun</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *spend more time outside</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *spend less time on Facebook</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *finish my paintings of Paris</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> *fall in love</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These are all things I will likely be writing about on this blog (along with my two adorable and sweet terrier dogs).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wish me luck!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0