Thursday, August 21, 2014

Are you lookin' at me?!

I once had a job where I felt like my boss was always talking down to me. He'd start all meetings with what felt like a grade-school  level summary about why we were there. Every facet was described in painstakingly explicit detail. 15 minutes later...or something like that... we'd actually get started.

One day, I complained about this to a co-worker. His response was, 
"Becky, did it ever occur to you that he does that for himself, and it has absolutely nothing to do with his opinion of you?"
No, of course it hadn't. 

It felt like such an obvious and egregious offense toward me, specifically.  He was treating me as a child for a reason. I was so caught up in these judgments that I failed to consider what other reasons he might have for speaking on such basic terms. 

So...it's not about me. Hmm. That's something new. 

This was not my first realization that I had a tendency to be selfish, although I've not ever been selfish in the same way most people generally think of that personality flaw. 

Remember, selfishness and self-pity are opposite sides of the same coin. 

I'm selfish because I naturally gravitate towards negative self-thinking. On a basic level, I think of myself as an annoying, awkward, unlikable person whom other people merely tolerate. As a result, I always assume that people's frowns, bad attitudes, or general disposition has something to do with me. In doing this, I allow my judgments about myself to influence my relationships with other people. 

Basically, I usually assume other people's thoughts, actions, and words revolve around me.
Which is totally self-centered and not true, btw. Most people are in fact thinking about themselves.  All the time.

So, to maintain my sanity, and adjunctly my sobriety, I have to find a way out of this selfish thought pattern. 

To do that, I have to establish a new thought pattern.
Today, I am choosing to not let that happen. 
Today, I choose to be happy with who I am. 
Today, I do not assume that other people are thinking about me. 
Today, I accept that other people's moods have nothing to do with me.
Today, I realize that other people's opinions of me are none of my business, OR my responsibility.  
Today, I am grateful for my sobriety. 
Today, I am overwhelmed with love from the community of sober friends surrounding me.
Today, I see beauty and synchronicity in all areas of my life.

There. That should do it! ... for today.